my super inconsistent sometimes incoherent blog

365/10

2009-05-30T22:17:00.002-04:00

365/10
Originally uploaded by kizabrat

This was going to be a short one...just a simple title..."Reflections". This is the pool in our complex. It was around 5 and I just love the water...I prefer the ocean or a lake or a river but pools will do too. I love how the water was rippling but you could still see the clouds in the photo.

The funny thing is, just as I was about to upload this photo to flickr from my phone, my friend of nearly 20 years called me. She was out attending a gig of our favorite cover band "Steppin Eddy". They only play a couple of times a year at most these days, but back 11 years ago or so I started going to all the gigs with Jodi...I mean I almost never missed one. (Jodi is 2 years older than me so she was going before me and she use to date one of the guys in the band).

Anyway, I really wanted to make the trip up north for this gig but it just wasn't feasible. My oldest is at girl scout camp and I couldn't be that far from her..."just in case". But the funny thing about the phone call was that she told me my ex was there with his wife! So my first thought was...thank goodness I didn't make the trip...but then she reminded me about what a big deal he use to make when I went out to these gigs, and let me tell you it was the only time I went out. It was a constant fight but I am not one to let other people tell me what to do so as you can imagine it put a strain on an already rocky marriage.

So when I wrote the title for the picture, reflections, it was ironic to me. I reflected on my life back then, and my life now. Even though I would love to be there tonight dancing like a fool and having fun with my friends, in reality, I'm sitting in my babies room watching him sleep, and this is after I sat and cuddled with him in our rocking chair. There is no place I would rather be.

365/9

2009-05-29T22:58:00.001-04:00

365/9
Originally uploaded by kizabrat

and for my ninth installment here is my Gracie and her friend Talia. She is my diva/princess/sassy girl and she is reading a book on how to be a goddess....lord help me!

365/8

2009-05-29T22:54:00.001-04:00

May 09 013
Originally uploaded by kizabrat

Have to give face time to my oldest as well. She is the one in the purple bathing suit...the shorty...just like her mom! Oh and that boy behind her in the blue shirt and hawaiian shorts.....she has a little crush on him...but so do all the girls!

365/7

2009-05-29T22:45:00.001-04:00

365/7
Originally uploaded by kizabrat

my little man....I just love him. There was a time I thought I was done having kids and then this little surprise happened and he is such a joy! He is such an awesome little boy!

365/6

2009-05-29T11:26:00.003-04:00

Spring 004
Originally uploaded by kizabrat

This is my soon to be backyard/pool. You might understand why I am just a little eager to get this move over with. As if I didn't have enough reasons to want/need to move...I have some new neighbors who apparently think children should be home and in bed by 5:00 every night and should never EVER make noise or climb trees or anything of the sort!!

We live in a town home community and we are on the back side of one of the buildings where there is a nice big grassy area to play that is safe and close by where we can watch the kids. New people who have no children as of yet but are expecting ( HA JUST WAIT TILL IT IS OLD ENOUGH TO MAKE NOISE) are really pissing me off.

One day 2 weeks ago the kids told me that the man came out and told them to go play some where else and to stop the screaming because they were trying to have a quiet dinner! This past Friday night the kids were playing man hunt and the man was standing on his porch glaring at the group of us (me and a couple children) who were not playing but sitting and watching. He kept going inside and then coming back outside, finally he walked over...I was sitting and holding the baby and he says..."is there an adult around"...HA without standing up I said "ummm yes I'm right here" and he said "is this going to go on all night" I said "well what time is it" he looked at his watch and replied "it's after 9" it was really just a couple minutes after 9 and on a Friday night no less....I was aggravated but did not want to get into it with all the kids sitting and watching so I just said "nope it won't go on all night"! Fast forward to yesterday when again they were trying to have a "quiet" dinner at 7, he knocked on my neighbors door and said who is watching those kids, she informed him that she was and the wife says well don't you hear them....my neighbor replied yes I hear them, they aren't doing anything wrong....so it went back and forth for a few minutes. BOTTOM LINE is what a couple of jerks....let the kids have a little fun...jeepers....I'm not one to tolerate a lot of noise either ,but ummm aren't kids taught to be loud and crazy outside...hence the phrase "outside voice" vs "inside voice" UGGGGG shut your dam windows jerks!

365/5

2009-05-29T11:09:00.002-04:00

365/5
Originally uploaded by kizabrat

So this is cheating I suppose but since I'm behind on my 365 pics I decided to play around with some existing pics I have. I'm probably one of the few people left on earth that doesn't do photoshop...not because I'm not interested...mostly because I just don't have the time to sit down and be creative...being creative does not come naturally to me, I have to work at it!

This was done using flickr's edit program...I tried a few different effects but I liked this one because of the purplish tint...I LOVE PURPLE!

365/4

2009-05-29T10:56:00.001-04:00

365/4
Originally uploaded by kizabrat

This is THE BEST ICE CREAM in the ENTIRE WORLD! I'm sure anyone in the Princeton area would concur!

365/3 Fun in the Sun

2009-05-23T21:54:00.002-04:00

365/3
Originally uploaded by kizabrat

Ahhh how I miss those easy breezy summer days of my youth...Patrick had a blast today just running around, and the girls always have fun when they are with their friends. The upside for me was I got my exercise in keeping him away from the pool. In a couple of weeks when we move in to our new house we will have an inground pool...after today I am wondering what I can do to keep Patrick safe and away from the pool without me chasing him around all the day long!

365/2

2009-05-22T17:46:00.005-04:00

photo.jpg
Originally uploaded by kizabrat

Say what you want about living in the "country" but this country girl would take deer and duck crossings over this kind of crap any day! I'll always be a country girl at heart....although my husband likes to say I'm a country girl with city girl tastes! (Is that a compliment or a complaint!) When weighing the pros and cons of country vs urbanized areas...the truth is I do love the advantages of civilization...BUT PLEASE remind me not to leave my house next holiday weekend! Oh and if I do have to go out make sure there is enough gas in the car...it was a close call..note the needle on the gas gauge!

Another Challenge

2009-05-21T23:30:00.003-04:00

So I started the 365 Challenge today, but I'm also starting sometime soon (lol) a healthy diet challenge. I am not trying to loose weight although a few less pounds would not depress me! I've realized that I am still eating like a teenager when I have the body and metabolism of a woman who has had 3 children by c-section and is far from being a teenager anymore. My main reason or goal is MORE ENERGY! I want to wake up feeling refreshed and make that last through out the day. So I picked up Bob Greene's books for The Best Life Diet. (As seen on Oprah!) It's the kind of approach I want...not just a diet that you eventually fall off but a lifestyle commitment! I'll let you know when I officially start ---I need to get a couple more things in order first! I'm guessing Monday! I can tell you right now the biggest challenge in the first weeks is going to be giving up coke...(the soda!) If I have any bad habits/addictions Coca Cola is it! Just thinking about right now is making me thirsty for a coke right from the freezer! Ok, it's late...off to bed!

2009-05-21T23:14:00.001-04:00

This is my first pic for the 365 challenge, not very exciting I know but it represents all the new things that are happening in my life. We are moving any day now and this is my new kitchen! I am domesticaly challenged but I'm working on it, and who wouldn't want to work in this kitchen!! Look at that stove!

2009-05-13T11:58:00.002-04:00

I dont know how much longer I can go on like this. This is not how things are suppose to be. I can roll with the punches with the best of em' but these are not acceptable living conditions.

Each day that passes
what I thought I had
drifts further out of sight

With every inch
it drifts away
little pieces of my heart disappear.

a little creative writing

2009-05-11T18:06:00.003-04:00

I was walking along the shore
stumbling on the rocks
shrouded by the dark

I felt lost
I knew
something was missing

I kept going
following the only path
I could see

On a Saturday
I caught a glimpse of light
from the distance

The light kept growing
and growing
but remained in the distance

I altered my path
to follow
the light

Eleven Tuesdays from
that first Saturday
I knew I had to be in the light

On the Sunday
following that eleventh Tuesday
I left the dark behind me for good

I no longer stumble
on the rocks
in the dark

I walk gracefully
on the sand
in the brilliant light

VGNO...check it out

2009-05-08T21:48:00.001-04:00

check it out
http://annagain66.blogspot.com/2009/05/virtual-gno-working-at-mom-thing-and.html

random day

2009-05-08T18:46:00.002-04:00

Today is Friday! WOOOO HOOOO No not really, not for me. I'm the wife of a chef remember. So Friday's and Saturdays are pretty much the worse days of my week. Normally Sundays are the best days. Not this Sunday...yes, yes I know it's mother's day but since hubby is a chef/owner that just means he will not be with me unless I'm at the restaurant. My mother lives 2.5 hours away and is working anyway.

It's Friday...I know I already said that...but the thought dawned on me this morning and I realized that I haven't mentioned the move to hubby since Sunday. For a VERY VERY impatient person such as myself...this is a HUGE accomplishment. About 28 seconds after I brought it up I wished I hadn't. I'm the one in the wrong...though I will not say this to hubby directly I know he will either read it here or someone else will and tell him. I'M A BRAT...I WANT WHAT I WANT WHEN I WANT IT. Hey, he married me... he knows this about me. I can't help it!

On a positive note, I read for Grace's class today. It was great. The kids were super, and Patrick who had no choice but to come along was very well-behaved as he usually is and the kids loved him too. I should do that more often. I'm not the class mom type...I don't have the skills or the patience but reading to the class I can handle! I'm looking forward to being a chaperon for Grace's class trip on the 28th, We are going to the Philly Zoo!

to my anonymous readers

2009-05-06T14:07:00.003-04:00

I want anyone who wants to read my blog to read it...even people who might take it out of context and twist it to use it against me...I really don't care because I know I am doing nothing wrong. On the other hand I might blog about something that has to do with other people...my intentions are never to upset anyone or cause injudicious harm or annoyance to ANYONE. Please keep this in mind when you are reading...and I know a couple people that I actually know in real life have read my posts so follow me, leave me comments, give me hell...whatever you would like.

One of the main reasons I blog is because I am a SAHM and I have no one but the kids to talk to 97% of the time...I need to vent...I need to rant and rave...my husband and I and everyone else I know are normal everyday people...we sometimes disagree or get upset with each other and others...this does not mean anything is wrong or that we are going to divorce...I love that anyone reading this would want to discuss something in my blog with me or my husband so don't stop doing that...just keep these things in mind ok!! PEACE PEEPS!

on my way out

2009-05-05T11:18:00.003-04:00

Grocery shopping is the bane of my existence but it must be done so I'm off. Going to stop at the mall as well to pick up some protein powder and some plain sneakers for my girls. Maybe a couple more t-shirts from Gap because I love the ones I got last week.

This is my dilemma...I am UBER anxious to move...but can't do a thing until the people are out of the house...I can't even shop because I really can't remember the colors of the rooms or any of that. So I did what I could and set up the change of address online and scheduled a tentative cable appointment...my husband was freaking out...why do you have to do that...all it takes is a phone call..can't you wait till closer...my theory is there is going to be so much to do I want to get things done and out of the way...listen he is a chef and an owner of a restaurant...he is not going to have a heck of a lot of time to help me so isn't it reasonable for me to be anxious...eager to get moving... he just doesn't get it!

not much of a blog post but I just wanted to post a mini rant...

a little of my history

2009-05-04T18:16:00.004-04:00

My name is Kathleen
as of today I am 32 years old
I have three kids Marlena 11, Grace 8 and Patrick 14 months
My girls are from my first marriage which lasted a little less than 7 years...7 years of numbness
this is a funny tidbit...I'll share it because it always gets one of two reactions - a laugh or a strange look...my first husband was a baker and my 2nd (and last) husband is a chef! Am I obsessed with food...maybe but I assure you this had nothing to do with my choices!

My childhood:
hmmm....well I grew up along the Delaware river in the middle of nowhere...seriously...there were houses surrounding mine but they were summer people...no one but my parents were crazy enough to live there year round. I hated it...I mean loathed it growing up.

My father was a plumber and my mother was a waitress...we were at the bottom of the middle class I suppose. I am the youngest of 5 but my brother who is closest in age is 7 years older than me...this does not equate to a lot of sibling bonding. However my oldest sibling who is about 14 years older than me was always the person I was closest to in my family...second came my sister (my one and only sister) but we were only close when I was young...I love all of my siblings and I would do anything for anyone of them but we are not very close.

Not too much really stands out during my childhood for me to comment on...I was a bit of a tomboy when I was young and really what else was there to do in the middle of the woods but make mud pies and go fishing...I quickly grew out of that when I was old enough to realize boys existed! From my very first crush till I met my current husband I would consider myself boy crazy...I was always looking for something and I never found it until 2004 at the age of 27! I no longer pine for boys in my past or fantasize over boys I may or may not meet because I am with the one and only man for me!

My father died when I was 18, of cancer of the esophagus. This is one of the things I think defines who I am now. I would say growing up I was a happy go lucky girl for the most part...I had the typical adolescent depressive stage but overall I was always smiling and laughing and got along with everyone. This remains true but now I have this little corner of pessimism in my brain I can't shake because it is a reality that bad things happen and alter the course you were on. I try to look beyond or ignore it but sometimes I'm looking around the corner for the next bad thing coming.

I love my life! I'm married to an amazing person who's only fault is that he works to much! I love my kids even when they are driving me insane. I tolerate my ex and his wife because I have to! I work from home doing the book keeping and payroll for the restaurant we are part owners of.

I am struggling to find a healthy lifestyle...I am not overweight...but I don't eat right and I don't exercise...therefore I have no energy and accomplish very little in my days. I have PCOS...google it or I'll explain it in a later blog post.

I'm sure there is more I would like to tell but right now my brain is fried so stay tuned for part two which may or may not come!

a healthier me

2009-05-04T11:34:00.003-04:00

I keep going round in circles...I want to feel better, eat better, look better...in that order

I consider myself a fairly smart person...not in the book sense...I mean really I have forgotten most of what I learned in school. I am just a common sense, practical smart kind of girl. ( I still have big impractical dreams of course but I have the sense to know they are big and impractical so that makes me smart...right???) Anyway back to my point...I can not seem to manage making a healthy lifestyle change...I know I need to eat better, I know I need to exercise...but day after day after day...I do nothing to change.

Hey I just had a thought...I was going to make this blog completely private...just for me but why not send it out in to the world and implore the people for some help! I must warn you though...I will blog about totally ridiculous things at times...I'm not all that interesting and I can be very selfish in my blogging consider that your one and only warning! My next blog will be a little bit about me. Right now I have to go chase my son who despite the gate put up to keep him out of the kitchen he finds his way in anyway!

starting a blog

2009-05-02T09:19:00.003-04:00

I have journals all over the house...little notebooks, nice journals, they are everywhere so why not add a web based blog! I love that I can blog from my phone and send it here, that will be great for when I have a thought I want to blog and or remember.

This was a random thought I had yesterday:

There is no love in my past I long for and no future I could imagine without you.

What did I do yesterday:

Woke up with a headache of course
Waited for a bit and then brought Patrick up to see Brian, was going to nap but Patrick was restless. Decided to go downstairs and have Brian make us breakfast! I was engrossed in tweetdeck and Brian and Patrick were playing while I patiently waited for my omelette. Next thing I know Brian is cursing up and down and he said he couldn't catch a break as he visibly looked anxious and he was pulling his hair...he got a text from a server that there were no cooks in the kitchen, he txt the sous chef and he had an appt. for his son that he did not remind Brian about. So Brian tried another cook but he had spent the night at the hospital with his kid....so Brian had to rush out the door! It will be so much better when we live 10 minutes away as opposed to 60 minutes!

So I fed Patrick some cereal and made myself a goat cheese omelette (2nd day in a row yum yum) then Patrick took a nap in his crib, I laid down in my bed and got a short nap then got up and got ready to pick the girls up at school to drive them halfway to meet their father.

The exchange went well. The drive home was peaceful, it is better now that Patrick's car seat is turned around and he can see me and vice versa. I sang along to every song that came on on Pandora good charlotte radio!

Today I have dreams and aspirations of cleaning the girls room and getting all this laundry put away...I also need to run to the bank and get cashier's checks to pay the rent.

The owners of the house we are renting to own had their closing yesterday, hopefully their move will go quickly and smoothly... I am anxious to get in the house and figure out what we need to do and buy...

My most wanted list for the house:
Living room furniture
Washer/Dryer
Kitchen stuff

Caroline Kennedy endorses Barack Obama

2009-01-26T23:04:00.002-05:00

I've had an interest in JFK for some time. I've read a few books about him, about his family. I've wished several times I was around when he was leading this country, invoking change where change was desperately needed. I've wondered how things would have gone if he was not killed by those who were and probably still are trying to hold this country down.

The first time I ever heard Barack Obama speak I was filled with this sense he could be our next catalyst for change. This was way before he announced he was running for President, when he did announce he would be running I was excited. EXCITED about a presidential candidate???? I have never been before....why now? Because HE IS IT!!! HE IS EXACTLY WHAT THIS COUNTRY NEEDS! JFK's daughter agrees....read it in her own poignant and touching words below.

A President Like My Father

By CAROLINE KENNEDY
OVER the years, I've been deeply moved by the people who've told me they wished they could feel inspired and hopeful about America the way people did when my father was president. This sense is even more profound today. That is why I am supporting a presidential candidate in the Democratic primaries, Barack Obama.

My reasons are patriotic, political and personal, and the three are intertwined. All my life, people have told me that my father changed their lives, that they got involved in public service or politics because he asked them to. And the generation he inspired has passed that spirit on to its children. I meet young people who were born long after John F. Kennedy was president, yet who ask me how to live out his ideals.

Sometimes it takes a while to recognize that someone has a special ability to get us to believe in ourselves, to tie that belief to our highest ideals and imagine that together we can do great things. In those rare moments, when such a person comes along, we need to put aside our plans and reach for what we know is possible.

We have that kind of opportunity with Senator Obama. It isn't that the other candidates are not experienced or knowledgeable. But this year, that may not be enough. We need a change in the leadership of this country — just as we did in 1960.

Most of us would prefer to base our voting decision on policy differences. However, the candidates' goals are similar. They have all laid out detailed plans on everything from strengthening our middle class to investing in early childhood education. So qualities of leadership, character and judgment play a larger role than usual.

Senator Obama has demonstrated these qualities throughout his more than two decades of public service, not just in the United States Senate but in Illinois, where he helped turn around struggling communities, taught constitutional law and was an elected state official for eight years. And Senator Obama is showing the same qualities today. He has built a movement that is changing the face of politics in this country, and he has demonstrated a special gift for inspiring young people — known for a willingness to volunteer, but an aversion to politics — to become engaged in the political process.

I have spent the past five years working in the New York City public schools and have three teenage children of my own. There is a generation coming of age that is hopeful, hard-working, innovative and imaginative. But too many of them are also hopeless, defeated and disengaged. As parents, we have a responsibility to help our children to believe in themselves and in their power to shape their future. Senator Obama is inspiring my children, my parents' grandchildren, with that sense of possibility.

Senator Obama is running a dignified and honest campaign. He has spoken eloquently about the role of faith in his life, and opened a window into his character in two compelling books. And when it comes to judgment, Barack Obama made the right call on the most important issue of our time by opposing the war in Iraq from the beginning.

I want a president who understands that his responsibility is to articulate a vision and encourage others to achieve it; who holds himself, and those around him, to the highest ethical standards; who appeals to the hopes of those who still believe in the American Dream, and those around the world who still believe in the American ideal; and who can lift our spirits, and make us believe again that our country needs every one of us to get involved.

I have never had a president who inspired me the way people tell me that my father inspired them. But for the first time, I believe I have found the man who could be that president — not just for me, but for a new generation of Americans.

Star Ledger Review for Steakhouse 85

2009-01-18T01:15:00.001-05:00

Steakhouse 85: Enjoy dinner and keep your shirt

by Cody Kendall/The Star-Ledger

Saturday January 17, 2009, 10:00 PM

MARK DYE/FOR THE STAR LEDGERCo-owner Matthew "Matty" Terranova with co-owner and chef Brian Karluk at Steakhouse 85 at 85 Church St. in New Brunswick.
Steakhouse 85, 85 Church St., New Brunswick. Hours: 11:30 a.m.-10 p.m. Mondays-Tuesdays, 11:30 a.m.-11 p.m. Fridays, 4-1l p.m. Saturdays, 4-9 p.m. Sundays. Full bar. Major credit cards. Casual dress. Wheelchair accessible. Reservations recommended: (732) 247-8585. www.steakhouse85.com. THREE AND A HALF STARS
Steakhouse 85 artfully combines two powerful trends into a memorable dining experience that respects both the palate and the pocketbook.
While steakhouses are making a big splash these days, many of them don't cater to people working with tight budgets, the situation in which so many find themselves these days.
Folks who still can afford to pay $40 for a hand-cut, 16-ounce dry-aged strip steak or $49 for a 24-ounce garlic/blue cheese-encrusted prime rib Tomahawk Chop ($49) won't feel slighted, but the alternative for those unable to shell out as much is quite appealing. An 8-ounce "petite" sirloin with roasted garlic dipping sauce, topped by a tangle of shoestring onion rings and accompanied by delectable fries, runs only $20, a happy choice for all but the biggest appetites. There's a choice of sauces, from Bearnaise and blue cheese to the house steak sauce.
Pinching pennies even further? Go for the black Angus burger ($12) with your choice of cheese and shoestring fries. Those who want something other than Premium Gold black Angus beef can try the pan-roasted pork tenderloin ($19) in a bourbon brown sugar glaze. And on Mondays, the special is meatloaf, just $16.
Want some wine to go with it? Wines by the glass start at $8, but there's also a list of $25 bottles, such as the McManus Petite Syrah, in addition to the regular list that includes more pricey possibilities.
Steakhouse 85, which opened in November, is a testimony to the expertise of its owners, chef Brian Karluk and maitre d' Matthew Terranova, both of whom formerly worked at the Witherspoon Grill in Princeton. They completely redid the former Gaebel's, making it the epitome of a steakhouse in looks and style. American cherry floors and mahogany woodwork are the framework of top-class decor from architect Kurt Ludwig and construction firm Brown & Glynn. A big fireplace catches the eye as the focus of one dining area, where banquettes are set across from the bar, while another handsome room runs perpendicular from there.
The restaurant, which also has two private rooms in the back, seats 280, and will be able to handle 300 when outdoor dining is available during warm weather.
Walking in, we were greeted by the lilting notes of a duo -- a bass and a piano -- delivering light jazz. Live music, which is heard Tuesdays, Fridays and Saturdays, sets just the right tone and doesn't raise the noise level. Karluk said that when groups auditioned, he dismissed anyone who wanted to set up speakers. Good for him; at Steakhouse 85, there's an understanding that patrons would like to hear each other talk.
Service, under general manager Julian Mercado, is poised and intelligent. Our server was available when necessary, could answer questions and had the proper respectful tone when dealing with us.
Karluk, a Culinary Institute of America grad whose mantra here is "keep it simple," says the most innovative thing on the menu is truffle oil. So look for a lot of old favorites, which generally are artfully prepared. Side dishes ($5) include mac and cheese, pan-roasted asparagus, wonderful creamed spinach that is not too heavy on the cream, and au gratin potatoes, among other choices such as pecan sweet potato casserole.
For starters, there's sherry-spiked clam chowder ($9), that familiar iceberg lettuce wedge ($8) with blue cheese, tomatoes and bacon and a shrimp cocktail ($12). A slightly different take on a seafood appetizer is the jumbo lump crab martini ($12) with a zingy cocktail sauce and a horseradish/mustard remoulade, as well as a flourish of lemon vodka in the glass for extra kick. The crab was abundant and fresh. The only disappointment we had at the restaurant was the crispy calamari ($9), which failed to live up to its name; it was a bit limp. The calamari also would have benefited from the same kicky sauce served with the crab; a garlic marinara lacked oomph.
Butternut squash soup ($8) embodied all the goodness of the vegetable, while a grilled Caesar salad ($8) had a nice smoky taste to counterpoint the anchovies languidly draped over the romaine.
There are so many appealing entrees from which to choose at this restaurant. Regular daily specials during the week include not only the Monday meatloaf, but also osso bucco ($26) on Thursdays, zuppa de pesce ($30) on Fridays and delectable prime rib ($30) on Saturdays. To avoid misunderstandings, the "cooking legend" is printed on the menu. Thus, when you order your beef medium rare, you'll know it comes with a warm red center, while medium well has a slightly pink center. Our beef choices were cooked exactly as we requested them.
There are plenty of seafood dishes available. An outrageous lobster risotto ($26) was dazzling with white truffle oil, yet had an edge from shaved Parmigiano. Salmon ($26) is pistachio-crusted, while day boat sea scallops ($25) are dandies glossed with lemon butter among caramelized leeks and Nueske bacon. Fish specials might include something less expensive, such as a beautifully prepared cod Provencale ($19). Don't want beef or fish? There's always the rack of lamb ($35) and at the other end of the scale, the roasted chicken breast ($22) in a cranberry/cider jus with sweet potato hash.
Desserts are fun, especially the warm chocolate truffles ($8) in their crispy shells that snap open gently to reveal a sublime melting dark chocolate ganache. An extra-rich version of tiramisu ($8) should fill any gaps left by the appetizers and entrees, while apple crisp ($7) with a brown sugar glaze adds just the right fruity note to dinner. Ice cream ($6) comes from Princeton's Bent Spoon, which is my all-time favorite. Those seeking something more dramatic may prefer bananas Foster ($6) sauteed with dark rum.
From start to finish, this spot was a happy experience. As I said in my year-end wrap up for 2008, I consider New Brunswick the best restaurant town in New Jersey. The emergence of Steakhouse 85 makes it even better.
Cody Kendall may be contacted at CodyDine@aim.com.

Random thoughts

2008-08-14T07:49:00.002-04:00

my son has a smile that melts my heart....and I'm sure every mom thinks that about their sons....he is getting so big so fast...maybe because I know this is my last baby...it is really make me kind of sad!

my girls are such great little people....they push my buttons of course but in the grand scheme of things I know they are amazing beautiful girls and they are growing up so fast...I hope I can withstand the teenage years and come out on the other side with two great friends.

opening a restaurant is exciting and it sucks all at the same time. I am really REALLY happy for Brian....he deserves to have his own place...to showcase his brilliance. He is the smartest person I know and if anyone can make this a success it is him. I just know it is coming on us fast and once it is open our time together will be so limited. I am always happier when he is around...and he is going to miss so many of the little things with Patrick....

I've been thinking of my dad a lot. (always do really) Every morning when I am feeding Patrick I look up at his picture and I wish he was here to see my kids. It is just so weird to think that I just lived 13 years of my life without a father....I'm always wondering what he would be thinking about this and that...he left this world way too soon...and I'm always worried that Brian or I or even the girls father will leave our kids too soon..it is one of my greatest fears. I want all of us to be around to see our grandkids get married!

In this political season I really wish people would just realize what their ideals do to the world....I watched a video last night about a mexican in a small town in PA who was beaten to death...they are saying it was motivated by mounting tensions due to the competitive work force. He was beaten because he was here illegally. 4 teenagers are said to be responsible. WHAT THE HELL ARE THE PARENTS TEACHING THESE KIDS!!!! This man had a family...a wife and a child. He was working to support them. He did the work some "WHITE" people wouldn't be caught dead doing...and he was killed for it. He came here for a better life....he is not to blame for the flaws of our systems...he is not to blame for the employer who hires him...these people need a path to citizenship

I also read this conservative blog last night....before I continue I don't think every "conservative" is crazy or stupid but this guy....OY VEY!!! I read a few entries, he covered a few topics that just made me shake my head and laugh...how pop culture is destroying our innocence....how he is scared to send his son to school because who knows what he will learn...what kind of mixed families his classmates will have...How the innocence of 50 or 60 years ago is long gone....WTF? What alternate universe does this guy live in. I feel sorry for his child...he is going to grow up learning intolerance.

Listen I have already encountered plenty of things my girls have seen on tv or heard through friends that makes me want to put them in a bubble for the rest of their lives....ummmmm but thankfully I'm pratical. I use experiences like that to gauge what my girls are thinking...how they see the world...teach them right from wrong. I'm scared to death to be raising kids with all the shit that can happen...but we do the best we can and we roll with it. Sheltering them would be the biggest mistake...they won't grow and learn....teaching them intolerance only fills the world with more hate and suffering.

I'm sure I could go on...but instead of dwelling on it any longer I'm going to go play with my baby!!

PEACE!

What would you rather...

2008-04-28T15:22:00.003-04:00

spend billions of dollars on....killing people or helping people.

For those of you who are anti-immigration don't bother reading this.

If however you feel it is possibly more American than apple pie...(thanks Brian ;)then read on. Immigration is what this country is founded on is it not? All of us have ancestors who were not born in America....we are all descendants of immigrants.

People come to this country to make a better life. I am all for that. Conditions in other countries lead people to seek this country out. Why should we stop this. Are we saying there is no room for people who are not like us. Are we saying we don't want to spend money (our taxes) on supporting people that need help. Yet we will pay money (taxes) to kill people over a problem that isn't even ours.

I'm going to copy and paste this email that was sent to me by a family member of mine....I am so disgusted 1 by the content of this email and 2 that someone I love actually forwarded this so I am to assume they believe it! I thought about replying and giving this person a piece of my mind but....I'd rather not stir up trouble, so I am venting via this blog.

I read every "fact" in this email and I'm still ANTI-WAR and PRO-IMMIGRATION. The generalizations made in this email are horrifying to me. Some of us want to blame immigration for all our problems...crime, high taxes etc. COME ON PEOPLE.

and by the way...none of us like to pay high taxes but lets be reasonable... it is necessary....the problem is getting the government to spend the money wisely...which clearly is not happening under the Bush administration and certainly will not happen under McCain.

Part 3 is the part that really pissses me off.

Just for the record, I obviously do not support, agree or endorse this article!

ok...here goes read the email. Tell me what you think.

Part 1

In just one year. Remember the election in 2006? Thought you might like to read the following:

A little over one year ago:
1) Consumer confidence stood at a 2 1/2 year high;
2) Regular gasoline sold for $2.19 a gallon;
3) The unemployment rate was 4.5%.

Since voting in a Democratic Congress in 2006 we have seen:
1) Consumer confidence plummet;
2) The cost of regular gasoline soar to over $3.50 a gallon;
3) Unemployment is up to 5% (a 10% increase);
4) American households have seen $2.3 trillion in equity value evaporate (stock and mutual fund losses);
5) Americans have seen their home equity drop by $1.2 trillion dollars;
6) 1% of American homes are in foreclosure.

America voted for change in 2006, and we got it!
Remember, it's Congress that makes law not the President.
He has to work with what's handed to him.
Quote of the Day........'My friends, we live in the greatest nation in the history of the world. I hope you'll join with me as we try to change it.' -- Barack Obama

Part 2:
Taxes...Whether Democrat or a Republican you will find these statistics enlightening and amazing.
www.taxfoundation.org/publications/show/151.html

Taxes under Clinton Taxes under Bush 2008
Single making 30K - tax $8,400 Single making 30K - tax $4,500
Single making 50K - tax $14,000 Single making 50K - tax $12,500
Single making 75K - tax $23,250 Single making 75K - tax $18,750
Married making 60K - tax $16,800 Married making 60K- tax $9,000
Married making 75K - tax $21,000 Married making 75K - tax $18,750
Married making 125K - tax $38,750 Married making 125K - tax $31,250

Both democratic candidates will return to the higher tax rates
It is amazing how many people that fall in to the categories above
think Bush is screwing them and Bill Clinton was the greatest
President ever. If Obama or Hillary are elected, they both say they
will repeal the Bush tax cuts and a good portion of the people that
fall into the categories above can't wait for it to happen. This is
like the movie, The Sting with Paul Newman; you scam somebody out of
some money and they don't even know what happened.

PART 3:
You think the war in Iraq is costing us too much? Read this:
Boy, am I confused. I have been hammered with the propaganda that it is the Iraq war and the war on terror that is bankrupting us. I now find that to be RIDICULOUS. I hope the following 14 reasons are forwarded over and over again until they are read so many times that the reader gets sick of reading them. I have included the URL's for verification of all the following facts.
1. $11 Billion to $22 billion is spent on welfare to illegal aliens each year by state governments.
Verify at: http://...com/zob77
2. $2.2 Billion dollars a year is spent on food assistance programs such as food stamps, WIC, and free school lunches for illegal aliens . < /FONT>
verify at: http://www.cis..org/articles/2004/fiscalexec.html

3. $2.5 Billion dollars a year is spent on Medicaid for illegal aliens.
Verify at: http://www.cis..org/articles/2004/fiscalexec.html

4. $12 Billion dollars a year is spent on primary and secondary school education for children here illegally and they cannot speak a word of English!
verify at:
http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0604/01/ldt.0.html
http://immigration.about.com/od/ussocialeconomicissues/i/EduIllegalIss_2
5. $17 Billion dollars a year is spent for education for the American-born children of illegal aliens, known as anchor babies.
Verify at
http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0604/01/ldt.01.html

6. $3 Million Dollars a DAY is spent to incarcerate illegal aliens.
Verify at:
http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0604/01/ldt.01.html

7. 30% percent of all Federal Prison inmates are illegal aliens.
Verify at:
http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0604/01/ldt.01.html

8. $90 Billion Dollars a year is spent on illegal aliens for Welfare & social services by the American taxpayers.
Verify at: http://premium.cnn.com/TRANSCIPTS/0610/29/ldt.01.html

9. $200 Billion Dollars a year in suppressed American wages are caused by the illegal aliens.
Verify at: http://transcri
pts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0604/01/ldt.01.html

10. The illegal aliens in the United States have a crime rate that's two and a half times that of white non-illegal aliens. In particular, their children, are going to make a huge additional crime problem in the US.
Verify at:
http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0606/12/ldt.01.html

< FONT face=Arial ize="2" s>11. During the year of 2005 there were 4 to 10 MILLION illegal aliens that crossed our Southern Border; also, as many as 19,500 illegal aliens from Terrorist Countries. Millions of pounds of drugs, cocaine, meth, heroin and marijuana, crossed into the U. S from the Southern border.
Verify at: Homeland Security Report: http://...com/t9sht
12. The National Policy Institute, 'estimated that the total cost of mass deportation would be between $206 and 230 billion or an average cost of between $41 and $46 billion annually over a five year period.
Verify at:
http://www.nationalpolicyinstitute.org/pdf/deportation.pdf

13. In 2006 illegal aliens sent home $45 BILLION in remittances back to their countries of origin.
Verify at: http://www.rense.com/general75/niht.htm

14. 'The Dark Side of Illegal Immigration: Nearly One Million Sex Crimes Committed by Illegal Immigrants In The United States.'
Verify at: < /FONT>http://www.drdsk.com/articleshtml

The total cost is a whopping $338.3 BILLION DOLLARS A YEAR. Are we THAT stupid? If this doesn't bother you then just delete the message.

If, on the other hand, it does raise the hair on the back of your neck, I hope you forward it to every legal resident in the country including every representative in Washington, D.C. - five times a week for as long as it takes to restore some semblance of intelligence in our policies and enforcement thereof.

35th Anniversary of Roe v Wade

2008-01-22T13:51:00.001-05:00

Senator Barack Obama today released the following statement on the 35th anniversary of the Roe v. Wade decision...
Thirty-five years after the Supreme Court decided Roe v. Wade, it's never been more important to protect a woman's right to choose. Last year, the Supreme Court decided by a vote of 5-4 to uphold the Federal Abortion Ban, and in doing so undermined an important principle of Roe v. Wade: that we must always protect women's health. With one more vacancy on the Supreme Court, we could be looking at a majority hostile to a women's fundamental right to choose for the first time since Roe v. Wade. The next president may be asked to nominate that Supreme Court justice. That is what is at stake in this election.

Throughout my career, I've been a consistent and strong supporter of reproductive justice, and have consistently had a 100% pro-choice rating with Planned Parenthood and NARAL Pro-Choice America.

When South Dakota passed a law banning all abortions in a direct effort to have Roe overruled, I was the only candidate for President to raise money to help the citizens of South Dakota repeal that law. When anti-choice protesters blocked the opening of an Illinois Planned Parenthood clinic in a community where affordable health care is in short supply, I was the only candidate for President who spoke out against it. And I will continue to defend this right by passing the Freedom of Choice Act as president.

Moreover, I believe in and have supported common-sense solutions like increasing access to affordable birth control to help prevent unintended pregnancies. In the Illinois state Senate, when Congress failed to require insurance plans to cover FDA-approved contraceptives, I made sure those contraceptives were covered for women in Illinois. In the U.S. Senate, I've worked with Senator Claire McCaskill (D-MO) on a bill that would make birth control more affordable for low-income and college women, and introduced the Senate version of Representative Hilda Solis' bill to reduce unintended pregnancies in communities of color. As President, I will improve access to affordable health care and work to ensure that our teens are getting the information and services they need to stay safe and healthy.

But we also know that Roe v. Wade is about more than a woman's right to choose; it's about equality. It's about whether our daughters are going to have the same opportunities as our sons. And so to truly honor that decision, we need to update the social contract so that women can free themselves, and their children, from violent relationships; so that a mom can stay home with a sick child without getting a pink slip; so that she can go to work knowing that there's affordable, quality childcare for her children; and so that the American dream is within reach for every family in this country. This anniversary reminds us that it's not enough to protect the gains of the past – we have to build a future that's filled with hope and possibility for all Americans.

Let me just say...under no circumstances would my personal choice be to have an abortion with the exception of my life being clearly at risk. Does that mean I think every woman should have to feel and do the same? Absolutely not. This is the biggest problem with this country...this world. I am entitled to have my own opinion but I should not have the right to infringe on another's rights because of a personal opinion. We should always have a choice....PRO CHOICE is the only thing that makes sense!

2007-11-22T11:38:00.001-05:00

November 22, 2007 - Thursday
WATCH MICHAEL MOORE’S MOVIE "SICKO"
Really people. I didn't want to watch it. I mean it is obvious our health care system is screwed up and I didn't think I needed to hear anything Michael Moore had to say on the subject but I was wrong. It was an eye opening movie. I laughed at how absurd our health care system and our government is and I cried at the sadness and loss it causes people.

If you know nothing of socialized medicine or if you have been made to believe it is an evil - WATCH SICKO!

If you are sick of people getting rich while we are denied medical coverage...WATCH SICKO!

JUST WATCH SICKO PEOPLE!

part 2

2007-06-04T20:13:00.001-04:00

Though I no longer live here, I visit often. The placidity of the area is like a pristine lake without a ripple in the morning. I could spend an entire day listening to the chirping of robins and the rushing water without much disturbing these natural sounds. An occasional train across the river may temporarily drown out the robins and water, but even the roar of the train has become part of the natural environment.

Like the train, in the summer, canoers become part of the predictable sounds of the day. Perpetual river travelers could use homes as their landmarks, but the unique milestone on this journey is the three islands that sit across from my piece of land. The islands seem to have gotten smaller as the years have passed, or maybe it is because as a small child they seemed so massive.

As an older child, after experiencing the chill of the water on the season's first swim, I would fight my way through the rapid water across to the islands. I only dared to walk along the pebbled edges on my exploring; the grass was so tall, who knows what creatures called the islands their home.

I could stand on these islands now, face the serene land across the river, and appreciate the beauty of it all, whereas when I was a child I took these things for granted. Although a physical structure of a house no longer resides here, eighteen years of memories makes this tranquil place my home in my heart.

may as well share this too

2007-06-04T19:58:00.002-04:00

First let me just say that I know a lot of my blogs have a depressing tone to them. I'd like to try to explain that but I'm not sure I can acurately. I'm a....complicated... no umm complex - can you be complex without being complicated? I guess just like any one else there are a lot of different things that make me who I am - some of it is depressing but overall I am a happy, fun loving person. This very paragraph shows another side of me in itself. I always feel the need to explain myself....LOL

Anyway - the following is a paper I wrote in 2003 in English comp - I was attempting to go back to school - though I got an A in both classes I took that semester that was about as far as I got. Who knows maybe someday I will try again.

After writing that last blog it reminded me of this paper, so I thought I would share it. I received an A on it.

On the Delaware

Step onto the red shale road that leads to my little piece of serenity. I have walked this crimson road over a thousand times before, going to and from the bus stop, and on walks with my father.

In early spring when temperatures are escaping the grasp of winter, yellow buds begin to sprout out of long green stems. Before long, the buds bloom into vibrant yellow daffodils.

Follow the sweet scent of daffodils along the red shale path until the road begins to turn to the right to form a circle. This is where the lands opens up into what seems like my personal gift from Mother Nature. It is about a half an acre of land with a view of the great Delaware River.

The half acre of land no longer holds a house, only soft green grass and towering pine trees. A rusty red and white shed, and a wooden structure at one time used as an "out house" , also fill the land. A white concrete bench sits facing what use to be a rose garden.

This bench was once an after dinner meeting place for my father and I. This nightly encounter was to discuss each other's day, but also to commune with nature. The chirping of the crickets and the flashing light of the fireflies took us late into the evening.

see part 2

It will always be home to me

2007-06-04T17:55:00.002-04:00

Current mood: nostalgic
I was "home" in Honesdale this past weekend. Of course Honesdale is not where I grew up - the actual place I grew up is Darbytown. Those of you who know the area - did you know there was even a town by that name?? LOL!

On Sunday afternoon I took a drive down Fox Hill Road, through Boyds Mills, down Plank Road....and all the other back roads that lead to my destination. My car needed a power wash to get all the clay and red shale off after, but it was worth it....

I was on my way to my happy place (at least one of them). I haven't been there in a while - probably 2 years give or take. With Father's Day coming up in two weeks it was emotionally necessary for me to make this visit. There is no other physical place where I can connect with my dad more. I was going to sit in the peace and quiet, enjoy the view, be alone with my thoughts, and when I couldn't stand my thoughts anymore I was going to read a book. Unfortunately, when I got there, relaxing was out of the question. Any thoughts I had were of an angry nature - but we will file that under "family drama" that I won't get into right now. Instead, I took a walk along the river. I now remember why I had river sneakers and not flip flops as a kid - it was a little difficult to maneuver the rocks and water in flip flops. I pushed on despite the difficulty. Shortly after I began my journey I paused on a rock jutting out of the water. It was probably only 90 seconds or so, but I closed my eyes and imagined when I was done my walk and I climbed back up the bank onto the property - my house would be there and my father would be waiting for me on that old stone bench in the garden. We would sit and talk while he smoked his Kent cigarettes. It only lasted about 90 seconds because that reality is to far gone, I know there is nothing of the kind to go back to so I continue on my walk.

Struggling along the rocks, I look for the flat, oval or round ones that are optimal for skipping. I still get a kick out of myself when I get more than three skips - anything less prompts a pouty face.

I walked along that familiar shore, even getting that old familiar [frightened]feeling when I came face to face with a water snake. I looked up from the shore to see the "summer" homes of many people I haven't seen in some time. I made my way south down the shore line to one of those homes that is now occupied year round by the parents of a childhood friend. I chose this spot to climb back up because, for one they had stairs making it much easier than trying to slip and slide up through wet grass and sand, and two, I was hoping to visit with them. No one was home so I continued on, back up to the red shale road that leads back to our property from River Road. Even the sight of red mud puddles brings back memories. A word of caution, when walking a dog down a red shale road, never EVER rap the leash around your wrist. When the very rare occurrence of a car coming down that red shale road happens, and that dog decides to chase that car - it makes for a very ugly knee and leaves a very nasty scar. Ask me and I will show you!

I miss that place, the way it was years and years ago. Of course, if you asked me back then I would have told you I hated it, funny how some things change! I guess the point to this story is that my mother is contemplating selling it. If you get even the slightest idea of my feelings after reading this, you would have to know that even the thought of that breaks my heart. I can't let that happen.....

2007-04-23T16:43:00.001-04:00

April 23, 2007 - Monday
quotes
"I don't pretend to know what love is for everyone, but I can tell you what it is for me; love is knowing all about someone, and still wanting to be with them more than any other person, love is trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of, love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone, but still getting weak knees when they walk into a room and smile at you." author unknown

"Laugh as much as you breathe and love as long as you live." author unknown

"Spring is in the air, so to are the memories of a beginning love. A love stronger and more true than any I've ever known and ever will." ~Kathleen Myers

so many thoughts

2007-04-04T10:57:00.002-04:00

So many thoughts in my head on a day such as this. See today, April 4, 2007 would have been my father's 70th birthday! It hardly seems possible that he could be 70. It hardly seems possible that the last 12 1/2 years of my life have been with lack of a father. It seems cruel and unjust that he is not here on this earth to share my life and that of my children's lives with us. He was my guidance when still with us, and I suppose in a way he is still such. Not a day passes I don't think of him in one way or another. I wonder what he would be doing, I wonder what he would think of where my life has taken me thus far. I often think that should he have never left me my life would have followed a different journey all together. I should tell you if you are reading this, I think my life would have been for the worse had he not passed on. I had all these crazy plans back then - plans that probably would have led me in to a life I myself would surely not desire. I would have probably ended up estranged from my mother (like some I know), gone from my hometown to find "freedom" and GOD knows what else! Instead a different path I did follow. Roots firmly planted, a relationship with my mother I could not have imagined, and though a failed marriage I do have under my belt, aside from the obvious treasures I have taken from that endeavor, great lessons I have learned in the meantime.

See though even at this moment I cry for missing him so much, I know that he has been my keeper up there, guiding me in my consciousness.

If there was ever a day I would like to travel back in time briefly it would be any day before the 18th of September 1995. So I could hear him call me "scooch" one more time, so I could be sure he knew how much I loved him, so we could take one last walk on River Road - so we could sit on our bench in the garden, so we could skip rocks in the river, so many things to do I suppose a brief trip to the past would not be sufficient. Since we can not live in or visit the past, I try to take comfort that he is with me still, that he DOES in fact know I love him and miss him.

I will especially think of him and be reminded to enjoy every minute of a day like today where I am privileged to be going on my Grace's field trip. A subtle reminder of my dad it might be, since it is to a farm and my father grew up on a farm. In fact, the farm where he grew up is not far from where I now live, though now it is a high school in a neighboring school district. If time should allow, since I am not able to visit his grave I shall drive to the parking lot and try to imagine my father as a child in that very spot.

I write in memory of

Howard John Fulmor April 4, 1937 - September 18, 1995

I love you.

Great News

2007-03-16T17:42:00.002-04:00

YAHOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MAROON 5 WILL BE RELEASING THEIR NEW ALBUM "IT WON'T BE SOON BEFORE LONG" ON MAY 22ND!!!!!

I AM SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO EXCITED!!!

wow things are getting good - despite the current winter storm we are currently experiencing - it is ALMOST spring - Baseball season (and the game I have tickets for!) is right around the corner and now we finally have a date for the new Maroon 5 album!!!!!!

what a way to look at things

2007-03-15T22:19:00.002-04:00

ok - I just heard the funniest thing I have heard all day. I was watching a new show on ABC, October Road. This guys says he is so happy to have two sons and no daughters because it means he only has to worry about two penises instead of thousands!!!!!! Funny - but then again I have two daughters!!!

(I don't know if I can watch this show in good conscience since it takes place in a certain state where a lot of the people are fans of a certain baseball team!!!!!! and so far I've seen 3 of those freaking "B" hats which by the way when I was in Florida were everywhere !!!!!!I wanted to scream!!!!!)

Irish words for all of you

2007-03-15T16:58:00.002-04:00

I'm sure you've heard this one before...

May the road rise to meet you,
May the wind be always at your back,
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
The rains fall soft upon your fields and,
Until we meet again,
May God hold you in the palm of His hand.

how about this one...

May you have love that never ends,
lots of money, and lots of friends.
Health be yours, whatever you do,

and may God send many blessings to you!

and this one...

May you always have work for your hands to do.
May your pockets hold always a coin or two.
May the sun shine bright on your windowpane.
May the rainbow be certain to follow each rain.
May the hand of a friend always be near you.
And may God fill your heart with gladness to cheer you.

ok one more...

Here's to you and yours, and to mine and ours.
And if mine and ours ever come across to you and yours,
I hope you and yours will do as much for mine and ours,
As mine and ours have done for you and yours!

ok I lied just one more because it is funny!

When we drink, we get drunk.
When we get drunk, we fall asleep.
When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.
When we commit no sin, we go to heaven.
So, let's all get drunk, and go to heaven!

Enjoy!

I'm A Happy Girl

2007-02-22T10:41:00.002-05:00

For probably the first time (at least since I was a little girl) I am right where I want to be! I'm doing what I want to do - I'm loving the people I want to love - I know who my friends are - I AM A HAPPY GIRL!

I LOVE MY LIFE!

Life is a journey not a destination - enjoy the ups - get through the downs and learn from all the twists and turns.

This life

2007-02-21T12:26:00.001-05:00

is so short, but we all know that, we have heard it a million times or so, right.? Yet it is just human nature it seems to waste our time on insignificant bullshit. I would be the first to admit I am guilty of it myself, however I have done so much soul searching in the last few years, gone through a few life changing things. Lessons learned that I try to keep with me. A past blog of mine went into how I have previously let people walk all over me and take advantage of me, I said I wouldn't let it happen again - well that probably is unavoidable. Why? Well it goes like this - I just choose not to get upset (or overly so) about things I can't control, things that aren't hurting me or the people I love. If I do get upset - I do it internally or I share it with people I love and can vent to. I don't get into the persons face because really what is that going to do but raise my blood pressure and probably cause more problems than there was to start with. Like I said if you aren't hurting me or someone I love than I'll get over it. I think it's a great lesson to learn - things will knock you down, people will piss you off - probably over and over again. You can sit around feeling sorry for yourself or start an arguement with someone, or talk about people (and all of this just wastes more time of your short precious life) or you can hold your head up - get over it and move on. I actually digressed a little from my original reason for writing this blog. Stupid bullshit that we waste our time gettting upset about and judging people over - would you stop and think for a minute - ok so and so has on their page that they have an iq of 180 when you know they really only have an iq of 80 - you get so outraged about it that you post a blog about it - phew, even I'm guilty of it right now. The point I am trying to make is we all need to learn to focus on our own lives but if your own life does not provide enough entertainment or drama for you at least speak out or up for real issues or real injustices in the world. Want a few ideas or examples? The war in Iraq, genocide in Dafur, the next presidental election, gay marriage, Anna Mae (look it up), those are just a few but there is plenty more.

So I just turned 30, I don't know if it is a psychological thing or I just started to notice but I feel like I grew up all of a sudden. From the fact that I suddenly need less sugar in my coffee to the fact that even though I've been able to vote for 12 years I am just now taking an honest interest in this election (though that might also be because this is probably the first time there has been a REAL canidate).

I have a great life - I have two beautiful children - I have THE love of my life. I am grateful for the life I have but let me make this clear I am happy because I choose to be happy. Do I have some issues - yes I'm certainly not perfect and I will never pretend to be. If you are not happy - YOU are doing something wrong - you control your life, unless you are incarcerated or being held hostage somewhere.

I've rambled long enough - so long that I was having trouble wrapping up my thoughts so if you are having trouble understanding my point - forget the whole thing or ask me a question.

"Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections."

"Happiness is not the absence of problems but the ability to deal with them."

1977

2007-01-25T19:43:00.002-05:00

In 1977 (the year you were born)

Jimmy Carter becomes president of the US
Most of the 10,000 Vietnam War draft evaders are pardoned by President Carter
Singer Anita Bryant starts her "Save Our Children" crusade against gay rights (GIVE ME A BREAK!)
Elvis Presley dies in his Graceland bathroom
Congress creates a Department of Energy
Anwar Sadat flies to Jerusalem in a dramatic gesture of willingness to discuss peace
Orlando Bloom, Shakira, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Liv Tyler, and Ludacris are born
New York Yankees win the World Series
(WOOO HOOO!)
Oakland Raiders win Superbowl XI
Montreal Canadiens win the Stanley Cup
Swedish music group ABBA passes The Beatles as having most records sold
Star Wars is the top grossing film - LOVE IT!
The Shining by Stephen King is published
"You Light Up My Life" by Debby Boone spends the most time at the top of the US charts
Three's Company premieres

It's Official

2006-11-09T17:40:00.001-05:00

I'm Divorced!!!!

I haven't been with the ex since 04 but we just filed this year - and the final decree came today!!!! YAHOOOOOOOOOO!

Here we go again...

2006-11-05T23:04:00.002-05:00

I'm about to rant and rave and spill my inner most feelings to you people who I may or may not - in a non cyber world - share these things with normally.I've had a rough couple weeks - relatively speaking. I mean, there are a lot worse things that could be happening and I am perfectly aware of that. This doesn't change the fact that it was an emotional, painful, and stressful time for me. I have been going through some medical issues - I had minor surgery on the 26 of October. The surgery was to remove a large cyst. About three weeks before the surgery, the cyst was discovered - the doctor did tests and told me I was going to have my period (sorry for you guys who may be reading this : ) ) (this was a shocker - since the whole reason I was at the doctor was because I hadn't had my period in 6 months)and that if the cyst didn't pass during the period we would need to remove it. My other ovary was poly-cystic(many smaller cysts). After my period I returned. The large cyst remained and the poly cysts were gone. So we scheduled the surgery for the following week. During the follow up call the day after my surgery - imagine my surprise when the doctor said the large cyst was not there but that I had more poly-cysts. So basically I just had a surgery which I am still recovering from since as an indirect result I contracted a bladder infection. So the good news - everything looked good in regards to post - op. No complications aside from the bladder infection. The bad news - I have an incurable disease Poly-Cystic Ovarian Syndrome. (PCOS). I am still reading up on it - the disease itself is not life threatening - but it can cause some pretty serious things that could be life threatening. I'm not going to get into that right now. Meanwhile, I invited my family to my house for Thanksgiving. I have three brothers and 1 sister - for those of you who don't know. They are all married and my sister and one of my brothers has children, and my other brothers have step children. I am the youngest at 29 and the oldest is 44. My father died when I was 18 of esophageal cancer. It has been a long time since we were all together as a family. We've had weddings and birthday parties - but that isn't the same as sitting down to a meal together and a family football game in the back yard. A little background for all of you - I'm always trying to get the family together - mend fences - have a happy Brady bunch family but it never seems to happen. When I extended the invite I was hopeful but not holding my breath. I was excited and hopeful for a moment of Bradyism when almost everyone accepted the invitation. To avoid me going into some dirty family laundry and igniting my anger I'll make a long story short-some of my siblings are unable to forgive and forget and move past things that happened years ago and unable to accept people for who they are so rather than putting these feelings aside for one day they are backing out. I should have known better than to get my hopes up. And on top of these two stressful things another underlying problem - since moving away over a year ago, out of 4 very good friendships that I hold dear two have gotten stronger and two have fallen apart. I take most of the responsibility for the two falling apart - I haven't been there for them when they needed me. Naturally all the above things made me want to repair what I had broken with them. When it seems like everything familiar is slipping away you want to grab hold and pull it back. It doesn't seem like this is going to go the way I would like either. Being 120 miles away from where I grew up - where my friends are - where my mother is - where everything I have ever known is, has been hard for me at times. Thankfully, I have a wonderful man in my life and my children who get me through it. Most of the time I don't even have time to think about missing anyone because they keep me busy. So ahead of me I have the task of, for one, seeking knowledge about this disease and possible treatments. It stands to reason I need to put my energy into getting well and learning to live with this disease. So that is what I am going to do. I'm not going to try to mend my fences amongst my family - I'm not going to continue to apologize to my friends - all I can do is let them all know I love them and I am going to focus on me now. Of course don't think for a moment that I won't silently be hoping and praying that my siblings learn forgiveness and that my friends realize that when the time comes they need or want me back in their life I will be here. I am going to be thankful for my children, thankful for my Brian and thankful for the friendships that remain. Maybe I'll even make some new friends on this new journey.

My sister in law sent these words to me - she subscribes to this daily word and today's just happens to apply to my current situation. I am not a religious person so to speak - I believe in God I just don't believe in most structural aspects of the church. I guess I would be considered spiritual rather than religious. I don't believe that things are black and white and I also don't believe in defining my beliefs under one category or another.

Anyway I do think these words are powerful and I'm going to read them whenever I am wasting energy on things I can not change.

Today's Daily Word - Sunday, November 5, 2006 Let Go, Let God "Teach me to do your will … . Let your good spirit lead me." Words spoken by a psalmist of the Old Testament are my prayer today: "Teach me to do your will … . Let your good spirit lead me." With this prayer, I let go of a problem and let God be the answer. God's will for me is that I am healthy, whole, and strong. As I let the spirit of God lead me, I discover the good—healing, prosperity, and whatever else is needed—that is always present in every situation. Good is there because God is there. I remain teachable, open, and receptive to the will of God. As a spiritual seeker, I let my thoughts, words, and actions be led by the spirit of God. Every day, I learn more about God's abundant blessings for me. "Teach me to do your will, for you are my God. Let your good spirit lead me on a level path." —Psalm 143:10 And of course there is always this one.... God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference.

Quote of the day

2006-09-08T13:30:00.002-04:00

Current mood: contemplative Category: Life
"If you cannot find peace within yourself, you will never find it anywhere else."Marvin Gaye American soul singer, songwriter and producer, 1939-1984

this is the quote I got in my inbox today - and after reading it I said to myself - is that what my problem is???!!!!

Quote of the day

2006-09-08T09:00:00.002-04:00

Current mood: groggy Category: Life
"Patience, persistence and perspiration make an unbeatable combination for success."Napoleon Hill American author, 1883-1970

Autobiography Survey

2006-07-20T16:44:00.003-04:00

This is actually a pretty decent survey. It asks questions that haven't been asked a thousand times over. It asks questions that aren't obviously from a kid's point of view (in the last month, ever been caught sneakin out?). This survey might actually give your friends a chance to know you better, so please repost and give your friends that chance!

Your Autobiography:Part 1:How I Came To Be
Were you the first baby?: noooo.. I was an oops and the last of 5 children!Were your parents married when you were born?: yes for like 15 years
What is your birthday?: February 9, 1977

Part 2: My Family
How would you describe your family?: a bunch of nuts!! No seriously - all good, kind and fun loving people - of course we all have our issues but who doesn't!
Are your parents married, divorced or separated?: separated by death
If you have siblings are you oldest, middle, or youngest?: youngest and I'm the brat - not a SPOILED brat mind you just a brat!
What are your siblings names?: Howie, Denise, Carl & Michael
Which parent do you get along with best?: when I was a kid my father - but since he has past my mother and I are a lot closer!
Do you have step parents?: nope

Part 3: The Friends
Do you have more than one best friend?: yes
Who are your best friends?: Sara, Jessica, Lori and Jodi
What do you like to do when you are together: depends on who it is - eat, drink, laugh, cry
Do you share the same interests?: well... mostly but I'm at a very different point in my life than any of my friends
Which friend can you tell anything to?: Jessica and Sara

Part 4: Your Personality
How high/low is your self esteem?: medium to high - depends on the day
You get depressed about things easily?: sometimes yes but not as much as I use to
Are you happy?: you betcha!
Do you live life to the fullest?: within my unfortunate limits yes!

Part 5: Appearance
Are you comfortable with the way you look? I have some things I'd like to improve but overall - I'm hot!!! LOL
Do you have any piercings?: just my ears
How do you dress?: well I'm not trendy if that is what you mean - I prefer a great pair of jeans and a sexy shirt to all that other crap out there! I don't give a hoot about the latest fashion trends!

Part 6: The Past
Were you a strange child: I'm sure my mother and siblings would say yes - but I think I am quite normal! LOL 8 )
What did you used to love that you no longer do?: I was a river rat - grew up on the Delaware and I was in it from sun up to sun down fishing or swimming - or laying on a big rock in the middle trying to get a tan!! I miss those days!
Do you have the same friends?: I'm not in touch with anyone from grade school only high school. Where did all those Damascus Demons go????
Was there anything in your past that was traumatizing?: Traumatizing? I don't know if I would use that word - life changing and heart breaking yes- I don't think I am the same person I was before my father died.

Part 7: The Future
What is your ambition?: to raise my two girls to the best of my ability without damaging them to much! Parenting is tough you have to somehow be selfless without loosing yourself. They look up to me and there are days I'm not sure that is such a great thing!
Do you want to get married?: well I have been there done that and it didn't work out too well, but I'm optimistic that I have the right person this time around!

Part 8: The Outdoors
Do you prefer indoors or outdoors?: Outdoors
What is your favorite season: summer
Favorite weather?: swimming weather
Do you like walking in the rain?: growing up I use to love to be outside in the rain - I'm saying YES!

Part 9: Food
Are you a vegetarian?: HA!! I like my meat rare baby!!!!
What is your favorite food?: foie gras
What food makes you want to gag?: I really can't think of anything - Brian has expanded my palette tremendously! Oh wait fish flavored ice cream or ice cream with fish or whatever the hell that shit was on Iron Chef!!!
What is your favorite dessert?: bananas foster ****very special****
What is your favorite restaurant? Witherspoon Grill of course!

Part 10: Relationships and Love
Are you single or taken?: taken
If taken who is the lucky boy/girl?: Brian
Do you think love is the best feeling in the world?: of course - what else is there!
Do u believe in love at first sight?: I do yes! and I know this does not make sense but you can have love at first sight and not realize it!!! I TOLD YOU IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE!!!

Great Quotes

2006-07-15T11:43:00.002-04:00

I subscribe to this daily quote thing because I love quotes. Every now and then I get a great one in my inbox and I want to share it - like this one:
Most of us are just about as happy as we make up our minds to be.

Great Stuff

2006-05-05T10:21:00.001-04:00

I tend to only blog on here or write in my journal when something is bothering me when I should be recording all the great stuff in my life.
Great stuff:
it's a great day when I get to wake up next to the most incredible man on the face of this earth and continue my day with sounds of my children's laughter.
My children: though it feels like I spend most of my time yelling and arguing with them ( and since they are only 8 & 5 this is just the beginning) they are the center of my world. Being a mom is the biggest contributor to who I am - the most important thing I'm ever going to do in my life is be their mom. And no matter how down I get, their laughter, hugs and kisses erase all the pain away.
Great friends and family: it is a wonderful feeling to know that I have people that love me, care about me and miss me. I say miss me because I moved away from my hometown where my whole life up to now developed (childhood, school, marriage, kids, work and divorce). It was an important and necessary step to move on to something new but I'd be lying if I said I never get homesick - after all I have met so many wonderful people along the way that have touched my life and it's great to know that I must have touched lives too because I have people that miss me!
Brian: I mean it when I say the most incredible man on the face of the earth. He is the most loving man SINCERELY LOVING! and when work isn't completely consuming him he is attentive, thoughtful, sweet, comforting, funny, fun...... I could go on and on! And you know what else---------though he is committed to his job, because work is an unfortunate necessity of life, I know he would rather be with me (and I know because he tells me - just a tip for you other guys out there!) It is obvious from my previous posts that this has been a hard time for me - but it is hard on him too maybe harder -because he is the one working 15 - 18 hours a day (and that is not easy) and he misses me and he has to deal with me being so upset about it. That is a lot of weight on his shoulders
I know I am very lucky and blessed to have what I have.
...but I am a brat so I'll always want more!!!! LOL

just a funny thought

2006-05-04T16:46:00.001-04:00

Category: Life
What I really want to be someday is a psychologist - which means I expect people to tell me their problems - just like now I expect my friends to talk to me when they have a problem or are feeling down - the funny things is, though I will blog on myspace for the whole world to see and comment on, I prefer to keep to myself when I am having issues!

a few random thoughts

2006-04-19T22:59:00.002-04:00

Current mood: contemplative Category: Life
# 1 - The fortune taped to my computer reads - "Patience is one of the hardest virtures to master. Lucky Numbers 2, 11, 15, 36, 47, 50" And yes that is there because I have a major problem with patience - can it be taught?????

# 2 Men who think that women such as their wives or girlfriends were put on this earth to serve them can go to hell. And husbands who think that they deserve to be waited on hand and foot an not do a gosh darn thing themselves, and who think it is right to treat their wife like shit-since they are the ones out "earning" a paycheck while his wife and the mother of his child "sits" home - can also go to hell right after I give HIM a swift kick right in the f---ing head! WTF people - this is the year 2006 and just because your mommy did everything for your father and doted on you does not mean that your wife should do the same. WAKE UP!
# 3 Just as a side bar to #2 for those of you reading this who might be going huh!? I am speaking with immense anger for this situation but the situation is not mine. - in my previous relationship that might have been an issue for a brief amount of time but I am not, will not ever be that kind of wife/girlfriend. Mike (the ex) knew better and despite his mothers best efforts (and even my mother- sometimes) he knew better than to expect that kind of stuff from me. And MY Brian - he is the most independent person I know which is why I never mind doing anything for him. If you can do something yourself it is wrong to expect someone else to do it for you like it is a rule. That isn't to say that I don't do things for people - of course I do - but when it becomes "expected" of me because it is my job as a woman - HELL NO, UH UH, NO WAY, NO HOW!
# 4 Can a painful childhood be surpressed successfully? Some people would say GET OVER IT! It's in the past - live in the present. But really, do the people that say those things speak from experience? What if despite your best efforts to never think about it - never talk about it - it's still there affecting your life; maybe, without you even realizing it. What if the emotional scars just run too deep to ever heal on their own.
But then there is the flip side - is it better to go relive all the terrible memories talking to someone who does not know you - is it better to bring all the feelings to the surface and have to deal with them all over again? Nothing can erase what happened. You are who you are today, and the past helped to shape you. If you like who you are and are happy with the way your relationships go then why stir it up?

Long overdue epiphany

2006-01-25T10:45:00.002-05:00

Current mood: contemplative
I've been guarded for quite some time. Past experiences turned me into someone who wouldn't give herself completely - always waiting for the other shoe to drop. My marriage has been over for nearly two years (for me it was longer). Coincidentally my current relationship is approaching the two year mark. I know I can't change my ways overnight - but the thought occurred to me to just let go. I love him, he loves me - we enjoy each other in every way so I need to just live. I have to have faith in our relationship and stop waiting for the other shoe to drop.Trust issues DO come from insecurity issues - I'm not the only one who figured that out - right? I mean sure men cheat because they are pigs (sorry guys but 97f men are pigs!)- but my man - he really isn't a pig! Yet I continued to be worried that he would find someone else - why because I hate me sometimes - I mean I am one fucked up individual - I won't list the reasons why - just take my word for it. We have all heard the "you can't love someone else until you learn to love yourself line". Well sure you can - you just can't love with everything you have like you should. I do love Brian, with all my heart and he loves me better than anyone else ever could, but I continue to be guarded because I don't love myself enough to think that he will stay with me. I keep thinking I will push him away. WELLLLLLL! I'm working on it. The funny thing is I am all wise when it comes to giving my friends advice - I'm the typical "can't take my own advice" girl. I see the problem, and I know I need to work on it but jeeeezzzz it is difficult to convince yourself you are worthy of love. I also realize that if I can't work on my issues - that will be what pushed Brian away - and it will be my fault and no one elses.Don't get me wrong - I know I am a great person (I have an ego problem at the same time I hate myself ). I have a good heart, I'm passionate, I love people. I will let people walk all over me but I will be in your face if you mess with the people I love. I can be crazy and silly and laugh till I can't breathe. I'm decent - I'm not the kind of girl who is going to get drunk and get up on the bar and take my clothes off (sorry to disappoint some of you!), I am the kind of girl who will get drunk and dance like a fool and have a good time without becoming a bar slut. Then there is the emotional drunk me - some of you may have witnessed me get drunk and cry and puke and have to be carried home. I learned that night (ok, it may have happened more than once but the last time was the last time!!!!!) not to drink when I'm feeling down. I'm listing all my good qualities - maybe more for me than as a point to this rant. Speaking of my point - the point is why not just let go and love with all I have - it may be blind faith but it would only be blind in hindsight if something goes wrong, otherwise it is just faith. Besides what the hell do I have to loose - if things don't work out and he breaks my heart - I know I'm strong enough to survive because I've made it through worse. Life always goes on. I guess that is it for now.

I'm about to quote a conuntry song so forgive me.....Never settle for the path with least resistance Livin' lively takin' chances, they're worth takin' Loving might be a mistake but it's worth makin.

2006-01-12T11:11:00.001-05:00

January 12, 2006 - Thursday
Yankee Baseball!!
Yes I am a girl who likes - loves Baseball but don't go spouting questions like who played 2nd base for whoever 30 or 40 years ago. I don't memorize that shit - and hell I barely can remember who played 2nd base for the Yankees last year. I just like to watch and enjoy the game. - IS THAT OK WITH YOU?There is something like 49 days till the first spring training game. I can't wait. I saw the Yankees at Legends field a few years back it was fun! While I was down in Florida I also caugh a Toronto game and a Pirates game. I had a reason for seeing the Toronto game - that was when David Wells went to the Blue Jays and I got spring training tickets for that game with hopes to see him - of course I could barely make him out on the bench of the dugout from my seat across the field. The Pirates game - well as my x and I were checking out of the hotel these two gentleman offered us the tickets they had. I've also been to Yankee stadium a handful of times. I've been to Camden Yards and Turner Field to catch the O's and the Braves play. I just love the game!
So as spring training approaches I just had to say something: I know I'm a baseball hypocrite - but if that fat ass Jason Giambi is still a Yankee come opening day I'm going to throw a hissy fit! He is worthless! On the other hand I was very happy to see Bernie Williams remain, and since it was his choice to stay even though he wouldn't play everyday - that is great! Just one more thing - I don't want to hear any bitches about George and the payroll - if you were George wouldn't you do anything you could to win! Besides haven't you people ever heard of revenue sharing!